Resurrexit

To blog or not to blog


Effectively, why would I keep a blog? Isn't there something rather indecent to expose oneself in front of anyone who might just fall in this place? Is there any sort of necessity.

I'm not an achiever. I haven't invented some kind of new "magical" device that will change the way things are done on earth. I haven't receive any kind of prestigious award nor am I a famous public figure. Is this all some kind of exaggerated narcissism add to a distressing pedantry to believe that I can actually write in a langue I didn't start using on a regular basis before the age of 20, and that my scribblings can be of some sort of interest?

I did hold a blog in English last year from April to October. I then strongly felt the need to get out of my little linguistic ghetto and make contact with people speaking a different music than mine. People with similar values and beliefs but sung in a different key. And I did meet some wonderful individuals, a few of which became very close friend.

For this only and simple reason, I believe that keeping this blog is vital for my own growth and for the growth of those who will find a resonance in me baring my soul.

The past two years have certainly been the most challenging for me, although I can think of some other periods in my life where I thought my world was comming to an end. But I survived those and I survived the last one too.

In October 2009, I lost the most important man in my life. 25 years of the most unique and bizzare relationship I ever had. This man had shaped me, had sculpted me, made me the man I have become today. He was the music teacher, the mentor, the confidant, the best friend, the big brother... All these years, he was my sole point of reference.

Michel is the only man who helped me reconcile with my life and with humanity. I can still hear his low-tone voice in my head, telling me so many times that the world is the canvas on which I am to create my own masterpiece: my life! His death forced me to start to question all the choices I've made so far.

Although I very well know that one cannot get over such loss, but now, two years after, I feel that I'm through with the mourning process itself. My old blog, known to my friends as DeepBlue, gave me the opportunity to close this cycle, and it's time for me to turn the page and start a new chapter.

So I've decided to create an entirely new blog to keep me company on this journey. This time it will be a bilingual one. I was born and raised in a French-Canadian-Catholic household and, growing up in Montreal, I've always been somewhat torn between the two predonimant cultures, English and French. I want to address these issues by keeping those two blogs.

Why am I blogging? Whom am I writing for? First of all, I write for myself. In my opinion, it has to be the main goal of most writer, which I am not, I must be clear about this right away. Writing is a little bit like looking at ourselves in the mirror.

To write, to describe. In French both these words are much closer to one another: "Écrire", "Décrire"! We see that we only have to add one letter:

"Écrire", "Décrire".

Describe our features, our traits of character. Describe our curves, our wrinkles, our skin tone.

There is no doubt that we'll want to mask the imperfections, hide those darker part of ourselves we are ashamed of and wish to keep away from any critical eye. Can self-censorship be avoided? I cannot fool myself at thinking this blog won't be read because, it could be... by two or three people.

But I want anyways to play the game of pretending that this blog will only be read by me or only by someone on deathrow, someone who will never have the possibility to repeat the secrets revealed to him/her.

And it is getting late, so I will shut up for now! This is Easter Sunday 2012. I couldn't choose a better day to resuscitate in bloggerland!


Hugs

Jon